Taking a High Road with Harm
June 19, 2024
Through reflection, I am realizing that I have been praying about troubling people but not praying for the troubled people. This concerning awareness compels me to ask why.
If your focus is not the betterment of others, you have an opportunity ask why.
Recognizing this challenge, I began the journey inward by reconciling that I had been praying about people with:
-my faith
-my moral compass
-my desired outcome
-my ability to effect change in this situation
My faith begged the following questions:
-Why hadn’t I prayed for the healing they need to stop hurting themselves and others?
-Did I really believe they deserve redemption too?
-Did I doubt that God could transform them just as he is transforming me?
-Would I really allow their divisive nature to divide me from my faith which commands me to pray for those who despitefully use others?
From my moral compass I asked:
-Was I so stuck in the pain of their actions or the hurt of their words that I failed to see our shared humanity?
-Does their lack of accountability ever make me less accountable for how I show up?
-Would I really allow their actions to compound the hurts of international trauma, national discord, tribalism and the dark parts of our shared history?
After weeks of contemplating what can be done about other people’s actions, their resistance to accountability and the pretense that ensues, my desire for a healthy outcome and understanding that I can’t change others led me to the following important considerations:
-We must release the belief that others should be changed by our expectations. Others are changed by THEIR expectations. While their expectations can include some recognition of our beliefs, they may not; ever.
-We must remember that we are wholly responsible for ourselves—always! We may be tempted to treat others as they are treating others. Unfortunately, their poor behavior does not absolve us of good judgment or good practice. We must respond from this knowledge.
-We must consistently sow what we hope to reap. In response to their unwillingness to take accountability, we may be tempted to manage their behavior or change how we are managing our behavior. Faced with this dilemma, we must consider how we ensure the quality of life we desire. This consideration reminds me that I don’t have the time, energy or the responsibility to change others but I do have the time, energy and responsibility to manage me!
There are times when our faith will be shaken by the actions of others. It is also true that our moral compass will lead us to a stance that feels divergent from the thinking and practices of others. In these moments we must ground our actions, emotions and thoughts in the life we desire for ourselves. We must also temper our approach with the reality of our humanity not our expectations for other people’s capacity.
#thejourneyinward