June 25, 2024

 

Today, I had the gift of lunch with my mother. As we often do, we explored our history and opportunities for growth. Today, our discussion centered on the ways in which children make sense of their world and the importance of not getting stuck. Here’s my reflection from our discussion:

 

Sometimes There Is No Bad Guy

 

The older I get the more I realize that sometimes there is no bad guy. 

 

Despite my best effort to understand why some things happen, sometimes there is no culprit. Moreover, as I come into the realization that most people are just doing the best that they can, I am realizing there is no villain.

Every calamity or tragedy of errors doesn’t have an enemy. 

 

There are things that happen just because things happen.

 

The leak, the death, the break, the snap, the pull, the hole doesn’t always conspire and sometimes there is no conspiracy.

 

With this new awareness, I am compelled to pivot from hunting down the bad guy to creating the life I want.

Other people may not ever be able to help themselves, but I commit to helping me—HEAL!

With this awareness, I hope others will consider developing a new list of requirements. Declaratively I say, I will no longer require myself or others to:

-find the culprit 

-place blame

-make excuses 

-be sorry 

 

Once upon a time, I thought people had to be sorry for me to heal. I also thought if I just rounded up all of the culprits, I could prevent bad things from happening. 

 

Life has taught me that the only thing that becomes imprisoned on the quest of finding the bad guy is me. I get handcuffed to the trauma. I get locked up with pain. I unknowingly do a life sentence with what happened. 

 

So today, I free myself. I free myself from the expectation of finding someone wrong. I release the need to determine who is at fault. I forgo the chance to point fingers.

 

I choose me!