April 27, 2024

 

Yesterday, “making peace” was powerfully reframed for me.

 

I always thought it was accepting what happens. Yesterday, I discovered a new definition. 

 

Making peace is not about accepting whatever happens. Rather it is the acknowledgement that something has happened and a commitment to doing what can be done in its wake. 

 

In so many areas of our lives, we are called to make peace with things. In my life, I have had to make peace with:

 

-the absence of a parent

 

-a divorce

 

-the ending of a season 

 

-a public crisis

 

Daily, we are required to make peace with other people’s decisions, behaviors and actions. 

 

Like the serenity prayer, I have had to make peace with things I cannot change.

 

Recently, while responding to my inner critic, imposter syndrome surfaced. I happened upon a chronic gaslighter in my life. I was already struggling with whether I was worthy of being invited to an upcoming event and then they essentially asked, “Why are you going to be there?”

 

Unfortunately, I didn’t pause to consider if they were really asking why weren’t they invited.

 

At a time when I should have been jubilant about an opportunity on the horizon, I was panicking. I feared the person would block the opportunity. I feared they would besmirch my reputation as they often did to anyone who had the courage to leave them. 

 

Rather than being emboldened by the ways in which others were recognizing my gifts, I was reduced to the murmurings of the little girl who never fit in.

 

Even worst, I had allowed the bullying and gossip that frequently ensues to cause me to question if I was sure I was good enough.

 

As the water-cooler chatter reverberated, so did the familiar echoes of imposter syndrome.

 

Thankfully, there is a group of women in my life whom I lovingly reference as my midwives and sisters. I also have a loving husband and family who love me in spite of me. Unsettled, I asked each of them to pray for me. 

 

I noted I would be participating in an activity that was compelling me to make peace with my journey in ways that had unsettled me.

 

Powerfully, they began reframing “making peace.”

 

Some noted I had peace and that was foundation of being able to tell one’s story. Another noted that I had always been able to make peace and that ability fueled my achievement. Still others noted peace is the ability to reconcile one’s story.

 

As a result, I now believe making peace doesn’t require me to:

 

-go along

 

-accept anything 

 

-turn a blind eye or deaf ear

 

-pretend 

 

-avoid

 

-hurt

 

Rather “making peace” is a freeing of one’s self from the expectation that:

 

-you can change the past

 

-you can change people 

 

-an apology is needed to heal

 

-our experience, truth, and perspectives must match other people’s experiences, truths or perspectives 

 

When I make peace in this way, I can leave the past. I can leave old hurts and unhealthy relationships in the past. I can forgive myself and others. I can acknowledge and release myself from old versions of me. I can release myself from things, places and people that no longer serve me. I can move on without an apology. I can release myself from projects and people who won’t take accountability for their healing or progress. 

 

When I make peace in this new way, I can go, go:

 

-forward

 

-in a new direction 

 

-without you

 

-with you

-through it

 

I can go on!

 

Today and everyday forward, I will make peace in a new way. I will do it in ways that give me peace instead of leaving me in pieces.

 

Happy 2024!